did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
