so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
