dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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