I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
