we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
