Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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