I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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