she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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