i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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