Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
