i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
