you guys were way drunker than both of me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
