So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
