So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
