Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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