omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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