The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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