i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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