She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
