I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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