(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
not ubering you a puppy
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
