The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
