I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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