There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
