Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
