shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
