I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
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