When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
