Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
