You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
