I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
