I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
