I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
