I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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