if i can run in heels then i can drive
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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