she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
