we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
