it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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