I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
