Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
