I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I puked a lego.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
