i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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