i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
