Fine. I'll sleep in my office
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
