My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
