I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
