just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
