He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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