Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
