they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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