I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
