Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
