I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
