i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We need a shit load of segways right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
