What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
